just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
