My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
