3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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