Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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