I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
