Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
