Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
