Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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