every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
