Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
