Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
