I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
