he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
