we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
