Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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