Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
