he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
