Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
