Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
