I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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