Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
