oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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