When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
