Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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