so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
