How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
