either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you never un-have a 4some
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
