Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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