I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
