On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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