im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
