so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize