Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
