i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize