I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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