Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
