how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize