Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
