I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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