I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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