Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
