I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
