When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
