Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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