I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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