those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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