party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
