i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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