whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
