That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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