If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
