If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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