you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
