you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
