Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
