Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
At least life still wants to fuck me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
