he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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