Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
