I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
