dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
