My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
