I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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