oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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