mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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