Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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