bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
