I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
God I need to hump something, right now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
