We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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