So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
