Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
