i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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