my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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