just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
