my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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