wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
