GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
