dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
