I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
