I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
