I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
