I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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