i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
