can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Randomize
