Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
