He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
