I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
