This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
