Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
