I looked at my own cervix.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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