In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize