So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
COCAINE IS GR8
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
