Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Randomize